As I lamented silently in my corner, I felt three pairs of eyes on me, watching my every movement. I smelled the sweet scent of my unexpected visitors, and suddenly, life wasn’t so bad after all; females were all around me AND at the same time, interested in me. I rarely had female company and the change was welcome. Of course, there is my ‘master’, but I doubt I’ll ever be able to see her in any other way than that of the person because of whom I was separated from loved ones. Anyway, the two other faces were new to me and they didn’t really seem that mean.
But little did I know of the whimsical nature of the fair sex for my experience was only limited to my sisters and their friends who had never been that interested in me. Some experience wouldn’t hurt, I thought to myself as I tried to remember the tips my older brothers gave me.

Rule No. 1: Make as if you’re not interested.

Which was exactly what I did. I wasn’t sure that this would work out for I simply couldn’t imagine how ignoring someone could make him or her attracted to you. And of course, as I thought, it didn’t work for as soon as I hid my head in the wood shavings on the floor. They left me alone again for some filthy human food… Well, it did mean I could go back to sleep, which I did eventually.

And back I went to dreaming of that beautiful girl… But this bliss would not last long. Again I felt the earth shaking. What was it now? Another earthquake? I sleepily opened my eyes to see the three girls back again. They were chatting amongst themselves, laughing, while ogling me with renewed interest. I can’t say this admiration didn’t flatter me, but I was still a bit shy about it!

Rule No.2: Show them your good side.

Which I promptly applied myself to. I scurried around in my cage, digging around and sniffing the air, for the two new girls’ sweet perfume. I climbed around, delighted to hear their “Ohhs” and “Ahhs”, and their excited comments, the words of which I alas could not understand. I was proud of myself and wanted to show off more. So I decided to climb up my yellow wheel. I usually hated that, but, I had to if I wanted to bask longer in the limelight!
But my usual laziness had gotten me rusty. I couldn’t handle being inside the wheel, so I climbed up, on the wheel, as I was used to… Alas, I couldn’t keep my balance for long, and I fell from the yellow thing countless times, each rewarded by peals of laughter from the ladies. I was so humiliated, but I didn’t give up. I was determined to impress the girls, and so decided to try the “one hand gym” on the wheel with one paw holding the bars of the cage and the other turning the wheel, which of course which somehow really made the girls amazingly happy. I tried to stay on for as long as I could, but I soon was out of breath and so very tired… Damn laziness, I cursed myself.
And no need to say that after wasting so much energy in trying to impress the girls, I was hungry, which didn’t go unnoticed by my ‘master’. She showed her friends how I could elegantly take sunflower seeds from people, and each of them took turns to give me one, which I immediately hid in my mouth. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, they must have heard that for after sunflower seeds came the delicious biscuits. However, I am not too proud for what came after…

I have this really bad habit of keeping everything in my mouth until nobody is watching and I can finally eat in peace. My mouth had already grown huge from the biscuits and seeds, and I didn’t want to take them out in front of the girls. That wasn’t really graceful, I knew that. But some minutes after, when I realised they were not ready to give me some privacy my belly was looking for, I gave up. Trying to hide what I was doing, I took the food out and hid it in the wood shavings, praying that they would go away now. The total opposite happened… My actions somehow intrigued them and now, they were watching even closer.

“Ah, and to hell with them!”

I looked for my biscuits in the mess I had foolishly created myself, still trying to hide when I heard the shutter sound of a camera. I simply couldn’t believe that they dared to take pictures of me without permission. My master had allowed it of course but I was in no way eager to pose for a bunch of girls. I had my dignity. It seemed that they had been taking pictures since the very beginning and I hadn’t even realised it. I had been too engrossed in trying to impress them. I tried to go far away from them, so that they wouldn’t be able to take the pictures, but that seemed futile. As soon as I went to the other side, they would turn my cage in the other way, so that I was facing them again. I wonder how many times we went through this, until I got tired of them and decided to have a nap.

By then, my master had already left me alone; she was already aware of my simple routine of eating and then sleeping which I faked every now and then when she showed some interest in me. However, it seemed that this feint wasn’t going to work on the newcomers. They did their very best to get me moving again, and it worked. I tried really hard not to let them have the upper hand but I gave up, they were too strong. But the worse was yet to come for the real torture hadn’t even begun yet.

Gone were the thoughts of trying to impress them as I switched to Survival Mode 101. I told myself I had to get through this and I barely made it alive. I remember running around everywhere, climbing up and down the ladder, jumping from my little house and having my little bowl kidnapped. I thought of escaping a few times but that was even worse. Everyday I try to gnaw my way out of the cage hoping that my sharp teeth would be enough to cut through them, and I wonder what made me think that it was going to work this time. I was desperate. I had to get away from the physical and mental torture these human girls were giving me and anything was welcome. I was too fat to be able to pass through the iron bars, too short to jump and too slow to climb when they opened the trap. In brief, their huge sizes made sure they had the upper hand.

They tried to ask for forgiveness with some biscuits, which tasted differently from what I usually was used to. It was really sweet and it melted in my mouth. No need to say that I waited for more, sniffing around to make them understand. I should really stop that for it simply brought more torture again as they put one biscuit near the cage and took it away when I reached for it. They even had the guts to rub some of it on my cage to have stupid me gnaw it again. Really, how I wished these walls didn’t separated us and I couldn’t show them who I really was.
I only had only one option left; I had no choice but to use the old spell my father taught me to get rid of evil beings. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it for never before had I been in a situation where I had to use it. I said the spell over and over again, hoping for some miracle to happen… I couldn’t believe it when the laughter died and it was all silent again. It worked, the spell had worked. It hadn’t been as powerful as it should have been but it stopped their evil mind from taking over my little space. They had quietly put be back on the table and left the room without looking back….

I did hear their voices again when they were leaving or was it just a dream? I do not know. I remembered the voice of my master forbidding them to approach me before I fell into deep slumber…

~Piyoule, The Mutant Hamster

So one sunny afternoon, having sent her faithful underlying to spy on the resistant household’s new construction, she opened the door and her graceless Queen of Horror stepped out of her equally horrible castle. Seeing the lady of the household on the balcony, she called out to her,

“My dear lady, the construction you are putting up is illegal! It’s almost touching my precious wall!”

For indeed, the evil witch loved and worshipped the stone wall she had erected to separate her Fief and that of her “subjects”. There was various legends as to why the old hag cherished that petty construction so much. Maybe there were gold bars hidden in the wall? Or money? No one knew, for touching the “Sacred Wall” was sacrilegious! It was also common knowledge that the old witch intended to be buried with the bits and pieces of that wall. Why would she do that? It remained a mystery, of course!

The lady of the household, annoyed at being disturbed by the hated busybody, answered,

“Oh really? And where have you learned that?”

The Monstrosity of a witch was angry at the lack of deference in the Lady’s tone.

“Oh, because I’ve learned every law this country has! So listen to me: either you leave three feet from the wall then build your construction or I’ll call the authorities to make them issue an order to stop that construction!” she proclaimed in a high and mighty tone of voice, satisfied to have showed off what she thought to be a proof of her superiority over the “lowly roaches”.

By this time, the young lord of the household and his father, alerted by the noisy altercation over the balcony [for, alas the monster witch had no notion of etiquette =( ] , entered the scenery.

“What is your problem, Old witch?” the young lord demanded furiously. The household was taken aback! The calm and peace-loving young lord never got angry!

“I’m talking to your Mother, young man, stay out of it!” the eyesore of a witch stated, with an air of superiority of course!

The young lord, not deterred by the tone, continued,

“You just stated you knew all laws right? And would call the authorities, right? Well, go ahead! Or are you all-talks and no actions?”

“You are just a petty ‘Faiseur D’esprit’,” the old hag hissed angrily, using what she thought was an insult the young lord would not understand!

Observing the whole scene, from the start with her mother, the young lady of household barely concealed a laugh.

“ ‘Faiseur D’esprit’ she said? Does that even exist? Poor bastard, she doesn’t even know the meaning of what she just uttered!” the young lady mused.

“You’re talking about laws, right? May I remind you, you built your very precious wall half on what is OUR land?” interjected at last the Lord of the household.

Hearing this, the grotesque witch was taken aback. How could these callous peasants know that? But her pride was not yet altogether deflated!?

“Lady, let’s leave these ‘Faiseurs D’esprit’ out of this discussion,” she addressed the lady, “I’m sure we can have a reasonable conversation, us two!”

For indeed, this witch was a feminist( or was it a scaredy-cat) who dare not talk to males!

By this time, the Lady and her daughter were beside themselves with anger,

“Don’t you dare insult our family,” they exclaimed in unison.

Her pride and confidence at the resistant household’s inferiority battered, the wicked old monster furiously fired a last and stupid “Faiseur D’esprit”, before retreating back in her disgusting den.

The household continued with their construction, knowing that the matter would not end here. For indeed, the old hag would certainly call on the oh-so-mighty authorities and, as insurance, prepare an evil curse for the resisting clan! But the household was prepared to face it all, with weapons that were sure to hit the damn old witch hard and deep!

Afterword: This is not a work of fiction, but an incident that happened to me yesterday! What remains edged in my mind is how stupid and ill-wishing people are. Could we still call those monstrous beings, who are always first to cause misery, human beings? I doubt it! This event just helped to convince me that society is rotten through and through and that leaving at peace in my locality is mere fantasy! On another note, I think I’ll invest in a billboard to be posted on my house! Why, you’ll ask? But of course, to post my household’s everyday life, then the nosy neighbours would hopefully be satisfied!

Sayuka~

One man’s gain is equal to another man’s loss.

This might be one of the oldest theories in Economics; there can never be two winners, one always has to lose. However, it’s unbelievable how the contrary cannot be applied to all the cases. Someone’s loss might result in another’s loss or gain; it’s a 50-50 risk that one might have to take sometimes. While most economists seek for a balance in such an imperfect world, one cannot help but feel the imbalance that threatens to attach itself to the future generations; the widening gap between prosperous countries and the poverty-stricken others being the most noticeable of all.

What comes to mind when one think about the gloomy destinies of poor countries? Hunger: they are flagged with that one word, the picture of several skinny children coming to mind, and staying what they are, a picture… soon to be discarded for the frivolous and materialistic desires that we harbour and which might not be important. How many times have we thought of the plight of these dying nations, then instantly forgotten about it all because “we had better things to do”? I’m not asking for answer, just trying to make you see the darkest corners of human beings: to always think about us first. Yet, it is the fate of us, privileged beings of society, to complain about our comforts when others lack the very basic needs required to survive in our merciless world.

It’s not our fault for being so selfish; we simply are not aware of the pain and torture some people go through everyday, just because they live in those parts of the globe where even finding one grain of rice is considered to be a miracle. How many of you have ever spent days without eating or even having a single drop to drink? No one, I believe. While some go hungry deliberately to get the perfect body or simply because they ‘forgot’ to eat, others have no choice but bear the unpleasant feeling of the stomach growling and seeking for food everyday because they cannot afford to buy food.

Such a picture can bring tears to the most hardhearted of us, for simply imagining how it would feel pains the heart. And of course, regarding such matters, our imaginations tend to be quite limited. I’m not suggesting that you go on a hunger-strike just to be able to brag you didn’t eat anything for days, there’s no point to it. I was simply wondering if it were too much to ask to give those people a little thought and act on that. The whole objective of this post was to create awareness among internauts, and maybe indirectly help end this crisis of world hunger which has been prevailing since the beginning of times. I asked myself, will this article really help to that?

I had doubts, and I still have them. Some may consider this to be just a good read: “Yeah, yet another idealist, as if we didn’t have enough”. Others might just ignore the whole point and forget about it the second they close the page. Or worst, it might get lost among the thousands posts being written on the subject today. However, I’m still writing it, for even a small contribution might tilt the flow of this crisis. Just like a small action from you might be the reason for the change in these people’s fortune.

Standing for something isn’t just about writing it down. It’s about believing it and living it.

Which I believe I will, in a few months, given the field of study I chose…

Silence! These voices jingling in my head;
Playing that infamous melody as they do,
My eyes cannot see, but alas, I do hear.
It’s all in the mind some say, but then…
Why do I hear them, as if close they are?

Little by little, I get adjusted to that sight;
The deepness of darkness, or is it just…
Just an illusion, as they all say… Mirage.
Is it really all in the mind? Then why?
Lies. Reality this can all be, will it?

Hear! That jingle again! The one that…
No, you can’t hear it, can you? I do.
It’s calling for it, or him. I do not know.
That beautiful creature. I do see now.
She’s the source of all emotions. Mine.

Upon that day, I call upon my star.
My birth it protected, my death it will.
Star of Fate, hear me as I speak.
Lend me your light, as you had once.
I might fight, they say. I know I will.

Cries piercing through the night. Howls.
Come to me, ordinary beast you are.
I heard it. She knew I did. I hear it again.
She calls to me, like some ocean nymph.
Crimson eyes, but pure black hair.

Is that a laugh? I might have to bear.
She seeks my blood, I seek hers.
Good or evil, none we might be.
Fate’s glory came at last, or did it really?
It is the end, at the very least, for me.

Do not mind me. I didn’t. For others.
Such things I was told, they held true.
A jingle you will now hear. I feel it.
Don’t you understand? It’s your turn.
To write the ode to your tainted dreams.

“The night that the stars would hide,
and upon this veil, the moon will abide;
this time will make it’s way,
as your paths become a crossway,
his eyes, will you remember
as dark as the devil’s anger.”

Those very words of the prophetess,
presented for me such absurdness.
Yet this fateful night declared itself,
sooner than I could prepare myself,
Some night blessed by Him,
For even He has waited for this glim.

As dark as she said,
his eyes were just as she aforesaid.
This night, when passion was the drug,
and us lying in that snug.
Was this the symbol of some love?
or lust it was, as said by the angels above?

A turmoil you brought to this heart,
some tears fell as you depart.
But just see my misfortune now,
a blurry face is all my memory can allow.
For him as a lover,
is all I can remember.

His touch, his feel, his scent,
never have they been so distant.
Some cruel fate some may say,
But all doubtful eyes I cast away.
Destined to never ever know you
Though you’ve taken away my virtue.

Or perhaps may I be blessed by thee,
through this life growing in me.

—

About the song…

Title: Shadow of Love

Lyrics: OLIVIA & Chazne

Vocals: OLIVIA inspi’ REIRA (TRAPNEST)

Compostion: OLIVIA & rui

—

The rings of vows
Our red thread
Is invisible now
There are no promises, either, but-

A long time ago, their destinies had crossed. An interlaced fate it was and they had accepted it. But now, in that same sacred book was written that their time of separation had come. The thread of destiny holding them together, it seemed, it had to let go of them. Nothing could bind them together again, for the gods had decided otherwise. They had voiced out their decisions and nobody had the courage to defy them, except-

Don’t let go of our hands
If it’s the truth, I’ll only be sad
While like this…

The messenger came to her, announcing to her, that the happiness she had been bestowed with was going to be taken away. Nothing lasted forever but…. she didn’t want it to end. Without him, she would be lost, she knew it, but what to do? The orders had been given. He had once promised he wouldn’t let go of her, but now he had to. Would he? She thought as she went to find him. As she saw his tears sparkling in his eyes, she knew he had found out as well. She reached for him but he wasn’t hers anymore. Freedom had been granted to them, unwanted it was. A single kiss and the contract was dissolved. They didn’t belong to anyone…. Fingers intertwined, they felt their last touch. Taking hold of herself, she let go, eyes saying…

Trust in me
Even if we come apart
My memories won’t erase our bond
Will you trust in me?
You can see the stars that I trace with my fingertip, right?

Their love was stronger than anything, even though they had to kneel down in front of superiors. They were the one who made the rules, but they weren’t the one who ruled their hearts. Even far away, their love would triumph, they knew it. The memories they had created from nothing, they could never been forgotten. A small world of theirs, and nobody knew about it. She needed him to trust her and he did. She had always been able to show him their far away future and that hasn’t changed. He trusted her, just as she did.

Without averting my eyes
I’ll tell you for the first time
You, who reflect in my eyes
Are the one

She had always loved him and never would that change. A friend he was, lover as well, but most importantly a soulmate. He had known about it and he felt the same. Never had they been so close to others, but left to themselves, trust had grown in. Her eyes, not secret could they keep from him and he knew as she walked away, she would be back. Aye, she would.

I only believe that I can overcome
This dangerous world
With you

With him by her side, nothing was impossible. She could reach the stars and the moon would be hers. She needed courage, and he was there to give it to her. He supported her, as she would have if he were in her place. Only she could revert the situation back and only he could help her. Two people, acting as one, nothing could beat them. The great power ever, love was their weapon.

Trust in me
Within the dawns that visit
Our separate skies
Will you trust in me?
Inside of dreams, we can meet
Time and time again, right?

As they went apart, a little voice made itself heard. She was asking him what he had already given to her. She needed to be reassured and he understood that. I love you he murmured as he disappeared into the night. Days would come when things would be like they wish but now, patience was needed. So much kept them away, but close they were, as never had they been. Each heartbeat could be felt, but such a great distance kept them away. The veil of darkness had fallen, but a light was brought to them. As their eyes close, Morpheus helped them to once again, to feel that passion. Little meetings, with no importance from outsiders’ eyes, little did the ones above know how important it was for them. Secrecy was kept, and no other souls came to know.

Trust in me
Even if we come apart
My memories won’t erase our bond
Will you trust in me?
You can see the stars that I trace with my fingertips, right?

As she sat there, knitting in her old age, she remembered those arms that had embraced her. What had become of him, she never heard but then, held to memories, she somehow knew, he did too. True love they had found and none of them was ready to finally let go…

© 2007, Nussaïbah. Some Rights Reserved.

Giving her a little tap on the head, she quickly casted these memories away. She didn’t know why she was here but it had a reason. She just had to stop her mind from working and everything’s would be alright. She wouldn’t have to go over the past again, nor cry these tears again. A new life was waiting for her and she didn’t want to miss it. She was still young; there wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do. Or maybe there was. Her cooking was awful; she would have to work on that later. For now, only she mattered.

She stood up, her new resolution jingling in her head. She was ready, to grab the world in her hands. She made way towards her friends and found Kaili waving at her. She waved back, her lips crooking into a smile and those turquoise eyes gleaming. It felt good, to be free from the ghosts of the past, she thought. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled but it sure felt good. She continued walking until the cold water kissed her feet. A shiver ran down her spine. Eyes closed, she captured this instant, knowing it would be long until that feeling came to her again.

“You joining us?”

Kaili had just come up to her.

“No… I think I’m gonna take this long wa-“

She stopped just in the middle of her sentence. Something was wrong, she felt it. She didn’t know why, but the sense of déjà-vu struck her. She knew she had lived this scene before but how could it be possible.

“What happened?”

“Nothing… Nothing… I’ll join you guys later.”

And she went on this long walk she had promised herself, sometimes stopping around to have a look around her. Walking in this water was so soothing. Small waves crashing on her legs, she had never noticed how good it felt. She kept on walking, aimlessly, without any destination. Then she stopped and sat down on the wet sand.

Watching towards the horizon, she found that the sky had changed into a strange colour. It wasn’t the blue she had seen just some seconds ago, but an orange colour. Or was it pink or even red? She couldn’t decide herself, but that was just the beauty of the sunset. It was time to go back, she thought.

But somehow, she never did go back. That scene just crumbled around her, another one building up at the same time. The salty air of the sea disappeared, the peace, the beauty, everything was gone in this small lapse of time.

Now, she was sitting down on some kind of rock and leaning against a wall. She recognised Kaili, her fiancé, some other friends and…. Matt. What was he doing here? She hadn’t seen him ever since he had decided to leave. His work had been more important that anything, that his friends, than her… It still hurt when she thought about it. He had been her everything but yet, she hadn’t mean anything to him. A summer fling, that was all it was for him.

She took a deep breath. Now that he was in front of her, she had to tell him what she really thought of him. The only sight on these grey eyes had this devastating effect on her. She felt weak and she hated herself for that. She hated herself for wanting to reach out for him and most important of all, she hated herself for still keeping these feelings for him.

“Take care Matt.”

“We will miss you, dude.”

“Keep in touch, man.”

Her face filled with horror. She wasn’t seeing him again, she was reliving the scene. The one when he was going, leaving her only with this loneliness. She didn’t want to live that again. It had hurt so much and she never did get over it. She won’t be able to see him leave one more time. Her heart wouldn’t hold it.

“Matt…”

Those grey eyes turned to her and she knew what was going to happen. Nothing would change. He would go away, as it had been planned from the beginning. She knew she shouldn’t have let him so close, but she was defenseless. The more she had wanted to turn her back on him, the more he had come to her.

He bent down to kiss her. The last one she would taste. Those tears running down her cheeks; she tried to stop them but she simply couldn’t. He stopped a few centimeters away from her face and wiped out her tears. She turned back, holding her tears as much as she could. She couldn’t lose control now. She couldn’t…

She woke up with a start, feeling her pillow wet. She had been crying in her sleep… again. Two years time hadn’t healed her; that memory was still fresh in her mind. She had done all she could to forget him but nothing had worked. Kaili kept saying she should give herself time. She had, but it seemed even time couldn’t heal her.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear someone coming towards her. Brought back to reality by some noise, she saw a silhouette in the darkness of the night. This couldn’t be good, she thought. It wasn’t the right time to have a stranger in the house, one whom she hadn’t invited. She quickly reviewed her options but her mind went blank. What could a woman half asleep in her bed do to her assailant? A sensation of fear crept onto her and she found herself shaking.

“God, please… protect me…”, she murmured to herself. She was petrified and couldn’t move at all. All her reflexes had left her and she didn’t know what to do. That dream had exhausted her and she found no energy to scream. What would happen to her?

She felt his arms wrapped around her and she found herself relaxing. She couldn’t quite believe it… She recognised this touch… this scent… this voice…

“I missed you…”

© 2007, Nussaïbah. Some Rights Reserved.

She felt her cell phone’s vibration.

“1 missed call”

A second would soon follow if she didn’t show any signs of being alive. It was their secret language. One missed call and the other should call back.

She sighed. She didn’t want to. All she wanted right now was enjoy the peaceful moment she was having to herself. But she guessed she ‘should’ call him back now. It all turned out into an obligation now, rather than some wish or desire. Once upon a time, she had felt this urge to hear his voice constantly. She could practically not live without him, but now, all her feelings had turned icy cold.

“I’ll call you later. I’m busy right now.” She sent him this innocent little message but so many reasons and feelings hid behind it. Lies, were they her last option? She should end things up but she knew he would be devastated… or… would he?

She didn’t know what to expect anymore. She could see through his lies very often but had no courage to say anything. She could feel he was hiding something but the coward she was, she couldn’t. It was time to end things up, she knew it.

Had she loved him? Maybe some time back in the past, she had. Aye, there had been friendship. A beautiful one indeed. Pity perhaps? Affection, sympathy, but what about love? Had she felt it?

She recalled how she had cared for him. She remembered him imposing himself on her. She found many ‘memories’ of them fighting, but never of really loving him. She never did say she loved him. She couldn’t. She had gone over the possibility but had she accepted it?
She remembered him asking her. Many a time, she would say ‘no’; to be considered as a joke and left aside.

For some time now, she had let this wall of coldness take over. He had noticed but never did say anything. Don’t unveil this thin layer of hatred, she had thought. There were times she wanted to, but what she wanted first was him to go away. She didn’t want to hurt him, so let him hurt her instead.

It was time to end up things. This thought came back again. She dialed his number, somewhat praying he wouldn’t pick up. He did. And she also did what she had to. The whole truth came out: her feelings, her thoughts.

“Okay. By the way, just tell ‘him’ congrats.”

And he disconnected.

Tears came blurring her vision. How could he think she would do something like this? He didn’t understand anything, but then, when did he? He had never understood anything she said. He always switched to other topics. It was always him and him, but she had accepted it. She called back, wanting to be understood for once…

She said sorry but was only greeted by sarcasm. That was it! She couldn’t take it anymore. His selfishness. Her anger surfaced. She had tried to make it easy for him, but as always, his selfish needs came first.

He said she would cry after talking to him, but she didn’t. He said she would go into hiding, but she didn’t. She was sad, a knot had tied up in her chest but she didn’t regret it.

Days would come when she would ask herself how he was, but it was over, she now was sure…

© 2007, Nussaïbah. Some Rights Reserved.

She surprised herself when this came out of her mouth. Ever since her whole world crumbled before her, tears had been pouring. No words had come out ever since.

“Yeah, really. There was this boy friend, uhhh no, man friend, of the friend of the daughter of my great great great uncle, uhh, whatever… He told me this when I was kid. You see, I had been digging at the back of my garden to reach the other side of the world. I admit it… I was dumb…”

Michael always could make her laugh, in whatever situation she was. Was it what gave birth to her love for him? Was it his kind heart? Or was it those pure eyes that were looking at her right now?

“Al, I know this is not the time, neither the place but I have a feeling I have to tell you this.”

“Hmmm?”

“Erm… Nothing really, it can wait. I nearly forgot. Anata send something for you.”

He handed a purple envelope to her. Inside was the drawing of three persons; a man, a woman and a little girl. The three of them maybe. She smiled when she looked at the picture. It showed all the innocence a child should have, the same she had lost; the colours were too bright, the persons were not proportioned and ‘Dad’ was wearing a shirt with polka dots. But to her eyes, it was the most wonderful gift ever.

There was also a ‘get well soon’ card included in the envelope. She opened it and started reading.

“Dear Al,
I’m sorry I am not here to see you. You see, Dad said I had to go to school. Please don’t be angry at me. It’s all his fault. Anyway, he promised to take me to you this afternoon. Get well soon.I love you

~Anata

P.S. By the way, Dad would like to know if you’d want to marry him. I would really like to have you as Mom. Love you. “

It was not the happy ending she had sought, but she was happy. She now had a loving husband and the daughter she’d dreamt of. What could she ask for more? Her past always haunted her now and then, but she had a future to look forward to, until someone else decided she had no future…

She woke up with a start. She was panting heavily. She could hardly breathe and there was an acute pain in her chest. She suddenly wanted to throw up. She ran to the bathroom as fast as she could, her hand blocking her mouth.

She could taste blood in her mouth. She looked at her hand; it was all covered red, blood dripping on the floor. She raised her head to find herself staring at her in the mirror. Michael was at the back, near the door, concern in his eyes…

“Lung cancer. I’m sorry Michael but she’s at the last stage. If only it had been detected earlier. Even with treatment, the five-year survival rate is 14% and she…”

She was in the other room but she heard these words of the doctor. It was all over…

And there she lay on the bed, waiting for Death to come and take her. She heard the door open. She could not move but she felt Michael’s presence.

“Hey. I brought you flowers. Anata picked them up this morning. You know, she couldn’t come but she send you this ‘get well soon’ card. She made it herself. Should I read it to you?”

He paused, as if waiting for a response. I wanted to answer him but I couldn’t. My lips wouldn’t move.

“Okay, here it goes. Dear Mom, I’m sorry I am not here to see you. You see, Dad said I had to go to school. Please don’t be angry… “

His voice cracked… She was sure by now, he must be crying but didn’t want her to hear.

“I’ll… I’ll just leave it here, for you to read when you feel like it.”

She felt like smiling. He knew she wouldn’t be able to wake up and read it by herself. He just didn’t have to courage to admit that it was almost over.

“I’ll be going now. I have to pick her up from school.”

That was so like him. It was 10 a.m. and Anata’s school would finish at 2. She was sure his eyes were all red from crying all night.

“I love you…”

With these words, he bent down and his lips found hers. One tear fell down on her cheek. Another one after that. She felt it was now time to go.

And with Michael’s kiss, she left…

© 2007, Nussaïbah. Some Rights Reserved.

She had never had any friends of her own. She had stopped going to school at 16; a ‘request’ from her mother. Even at school, she was rejected by everyone. No one would come near her. Being a black was considered to be a sin, and every eye that watched her glared at her with disdain.

But there was one pair of eyes that never looked at her like that. The same that had saved her. Where was she? She looked around her. The last thing she remembered was her falling and a pair of hazel eyes. She heard the door open in came the most beautiful creature she’s ever seen in her life.

A little girl. She mustn’t have been more than 6 or 7 years old. She had this curly blond hair and yes, those hazel eyes. They were somewhat different but she felt familiar with them. A new feeling was born from within. What was it?

“Dad asked me to come and check on you. Are you hungry?”

She nodded and it was the beginning of a new life. The long evenings she spent talking to her, her first smiles, her first laughs, her first friend… But she had never seen ‘Dad’ though. She heard about him, a lot. They were in almost in all the sentences the little girl made. She wondered if the new life growing in her would be like her. As warm, as kind.

Days passed and her life had taken a whole new turn. It was time for her to leave the bed and start all over again. But first of all, it was time to meet ‘Dad’.

He was no different from his daughter. Those same eyes, that warm smile and that same kindness. Michael, that was his name. An artist, a painter and… her angel.

These two persons became her whole world. For the first time in her life, she knew how if felt to be loved and to be cared for. She learned to open up herself and let others come close. She learned how it felt to have someone waiting when you come back home. She simply learned to live…

Time had come for the little one to come out to this world. She yearned to hear her voice. Yes, she was her daughter. She didn’t want to know the baby’s gender before the delivery, but there was some feeling that told her she was a little girl, ready to be pampered.

She was tired. She was still under the effect of anaesthesia and was vaguely aware what was happening. She remembered hearing the obstetrician saying something about complications… Her baby! She placed her hand on her belly. She wasn’t here. Panic took onto her. She tried to stand up but she had no energy left in her. Unable to fight against anything, she went back to sleep.

She heard voices. Whispers. She opened her eyelids and saw nurses and her obstetrician around her. Only one thought came to mind, her baby. She looked at Dr. Binns with imploring eyes but she already had realised it.

She closed her eyes, begging God to take her too. It wasn’t fair. Why her? Why always her? She’s always had her dreams shattered, her hope and expectations crushed. Why would this time be different? It was now time to wake up, to return to reality. Nothing had changed. Life was still cruel to her… Nothing had changed.

© 2007, Nussaïbah. Some Rights Reserved.