Ode to My Tainted Dreams

Tiny hands flicking the key to the box of music,
Wishful eyes dream of what possibly can’t be.
A light hearted melody, an enchanting power,
The little porcelain doll comes to life at last.

Perfect stance, fragile beauty, plastered smile,
She puts on her show with emotions set aside.
From passion to duty, from duty to slavery,
She performs, dancing to the tunes of music.

Slouch movements copying her graceful ones,
She watches as the little one yearns to be her.
Memories flooding, the scenario replaying,
She remembers holding that innocent gaze.

Child, she imagined being the queen of swans;
Even she had been mesmerized by Odette.
Now, frozen in time, the spell had worn off:
Odile’s deception was more apparent that ever.

The last notes playing, her tempo decreasing,
The curse forces her into painful submission.
Back to dreamless sleep she is compelled to go
Until another unlucky soul turns the key again.

Tiny hands flicking the key to the box of music,
Wishful eyes dream of what possibly can’t be.
A light hearted melody, an enchanting power,
The little porcelain doll is once more freed.

No, I’m not bombarding you with poetry. Just posting the sequel to the previous one.

His cries broke through the night,
He was here, she had accepted it
He maybe was his flesh and heir,
but she claimed him as hers too…

The silence of the night was disturbed,
A light coming from afar was seen.
Dawn was breezing in, so was him.
Was it a symbol of hope?
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I just remembered this poem, and thought I simply had to post it. I had already posted in on the old blog, but it was so long ago, 2007. It’s one of my best, if not the very best. I still remember writing it, it was the only one who was actually drafted before being written, the words carefully chosen to make it perfect. Maybe I should take that much time on the others as well…

“The night that the stars would hide,
and upon this veil, the moon will abide;
this time will make it’s way,
as your paths become a crossway,
his eyes, will you remember
as dark as the devil’s anger.”

Those very words of the prophetess,
presented for me such absurdness.
Yet this fateful night declared itself,
sooner than I could prepare myself,
Some night blessed by Him,
For even He has waited for this glim.
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Innocent eyes looking up to the sky
The gaze does not reach where it should have
Blinded by ways of the adults –
For such names had they been given,
He tries to find the difference between he and I. Continue reading →

Songshots, a blog friend calls it. A mixture of song fics and oneshots (fics as well). I tried to write one and this is what it gave… Waiting for you – to give a fair judgement…

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About the song…

Title: Shadow of Love

Lyrics: OLIVIA & Chazne

Vocals: OLIVIA inspi’ REIRA (TRAPNEST)

Compostion: OLIVIA & rui

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The rings of vows
Our red thread
Is invisible now
There are no promises, either, but-

A long time ago, their destinies had crossed. An interlaced fate it was and they had accepted it. But now, in that same sacred book was written that their time of separation had come. The thread of destiny holding them together, it seemed, it had to let go of them. Nothing could bind them together again, for the gods had decided otherwise. They had voiced out their decisions and nobody had the courage to defy them, except-

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She found herself at the beach, in a one piece swimming suit laying on the soft sand. How she had landed there, she had absolutely no idea, and somehow she didn’t care. From far, she could see her friends, laughing and enjoying themselves in the water. It had been very long ever since she had some fun and it was certainly time for now to put the past behind her and move on. She sighed, that was gonna be difficult, but she had too. She didn’t have the right to ruin her entire life just because of her own memories. Now, from where had this thought just come from?

Giving her a little tap on the head, she quickly casted these memories away. She didn’t know why she was here but it had a reason. She just had to stop her mind from working and everything’s would be alright. She wouldn’t have to go over the past again, nor cry these tears again. A new life was waiting for her and she didn’t want to miss it. She was still young; there wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do. Or maybe there was. Her cooking was awful; she would have to work on that later. For now, only she mattered.

She stood up, her new resolution jingling in her head. She was ready, to grab the world in her hands. She made way towards her friends and found Kaili waving at her. She waved back, her lips crooking into a smile and those turquoise eyes gleaming. It felt good, to be free from the ghosts of the past, she thought. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled but it sure felt good. She continued walking until the cold water kissed her feet. A shiver ran down her spine. Eyes closed, she captured this instant, knowing it would be long until that feeling came to her again.

“You joining us?”

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She lay down on her bed, arms spread, eyes closed. The idea seemed less appealing to her now. The idea of going out with him. So many dreams had she had about this. Wonderful ones of course, but now, she would have preferred if it only remained a dream. Earphones in her ears but she paid no attention to the music playing. It was just here to keep her from hearing the noise from outside.

She felt her cell phone’s vibration.

“1 missed call”

A second would soon follow if she didn’t show any signs of being alive. It was their secret language. One missed call and the other should call back.

She sighed. She didn’t want to. All she wanted right now was enjoy the peaceful moment she was having to herself. But she guessed she ‘should’ call him back now. It all turned out into an obligation now, rather than some wish or desire. Once upon a time, she had felt this urge to hear his voice constantly. She could practically not live without him, but now, all her feelings had turned icy cold.

“I’ll call you later. I’m busy right now.” She sent him this innocent little message but so many reasons and feelings hid behind it. Lies, were they her last option? She should end things up but she knew he would be devastated… or… would he? Continue reading →

Her eyes filled with tears, yet again. These past hours, all she seemed to have been doing is crying. Time had maybe healed her but she had never forgotten her baby. The first time she moved, the first time she saw her on the doc’s screen, all came back to her and more tears too. Crying cleanses the soul, someone had told her. Amongst tears came a smile.

“Re…ally?”

She surprised herself when this came out of her mouth. Ever since her whole world crumbled before her, tears had been pouring. No words had come out ever since.

“Yeah, really. There was this boy friend, uhhh no, man friend, of the friend of the daughter of my great great great uncle, uhh, whatever… He told me this when I was kid. You see, I had been digging at the back of my garden to reach the other side of the world. I admit it… I was dumb…”

Michael always could make her laugh, in whatever situation she was. Was it what gave birth to her love for him? Was it his kind heart? Or was it those pure eyes that were looking at her right now?

“Al, I know this is not the time, neither the place but I have a feeling I have to tell you this.”

“Hmmm?”

“Erm… Nothing really, it can wait. I nearly forgot. Anata send something for you.”

He handed a purple envelope to her. Inside was the drawing of three persons; a man, a woman and a little girl. The three of them maybe. She smiled when she looked at the picture. It showed all the innocence a child should have, the same she had lost; the colours were too bright, the persons were not proportioned and ‘Dad’ was wearing a shirt with polka dots. But to her eyes, it was the most wonderful gift ever.

There was also a ‘get well soon’ card included in the envelope. She opened it and started reading.

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Breathing was so hard, she could almost feel her lungs ripping apart. But this pain was nothing compared to what she had felt at nearly all stages of her life; this feeling of not belonging, of loneliness…

She had never had any friends of her own. She had stopped going to school at 16; a ‘request’ from her mother. Even at school, she was rejected by everyone. No one would come near her. Being a black was considered to be a sin, and every eye that watched her glared at her with disdain.

But there was one pair of eyes that never looked at her like that. The same that had saved her. Where was she? She looked around her. The last thing she remembered was her falling and a pair of hazel eyes. She heard the door open in came the most beautiful creature she’s ever seen in her life.

A little girl. She mustn’t have been more than 6 or 7 years old. She had this curly blond hair and yes, those hazel eyes. They were somewhat different but she felt familiar with them. A new feeling was born from within. What was it?

“Dad asked me to come and check on you. Are you hungry?”

She nodded and it was the beginning of a new life. The long evenings she spent talking to her, her first smiles, her first laughs, her first friend… But she had never seen ‘Dad’ though. She heard about him, a lot. They were in almost in all the sentences the little girl made. She wondered if the new life growing in her would be like her. As warm, as kind.

Days passed and her life had taken a whole new turn. It was time for her to leave the bed and start all over again. But first of all, it was time to meet ‘Dad’.
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Tic, tac, tic, tac… The seconds were counting; time was coming for the Angel of Death to take her away from this material world. Even breathing was difficult right now; for each breath of air she took, an acute pain in the chest she felt.

A drop of tear could be seen running down up to her ear. Unable to move, she lay on her death bed, with sole occupation to go over her life, once again.

“Allirea! Where are you?! Come down here, immediately!”

“Coming mother, coming.”

And she was welcomed by a slap on her face.

“What are you doing here? And… what’s that in your hand?”

She was referring to the book the teenager was holding in her hand.

“A test? Why do you need to go to school? You already have a job and you should thank Mr Jacy for that. Ungrateful bitch! You’re just as worthless as your father.”

“Thank him? Or thank you for having slept with him?!”

And she was answered by yet another slap…

Her childhood had always been full of beatings and slaps and insults. So had been her teenage life. And Jacy… How she remembered him… Too well, to tell you the truth though, she hadn’t thought of him in months.

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