She found herself at the beach, in a one piece swimming suit laying on the soft sand. How she had landed there, she had absolutely no idea, and somehow she didn’t care. From far, she could see her friends, laughing and enjoying themselves in the water. It had been very long ever since she had some fun and it was certainly time for now to put the past behind her and move on. She sighed, that was gonna be difficult, but she had too. She didn’t have the right to ruin her entire life just because of her own memories. Now, from where had this thought just come from?

Giving her a little tap on the head, she quickly casted these memories away. She didn’t know why she was here but it had a reason. She just had to stop her mind from working and everything’s would be alright. She wouldn’t have to go over the past again, nor cry these tears again. A new life was waiting for her and she didn’t want to miss it. She was still young; there wasn’t anything that she couldn’t do. Or maybe there was. Her cooking was awful; she would have to work on that later. For now, only she mattered.

She stood up, her new resolution jingling in her head. She was ready, to grab the world in her hands. She made way towards her friends and found Kaili waving at her. She waved back, her lips crooking into a smile and those turquoise eyes gleaming. It felt good, to be free from the ghosts of the past, she thought. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled but it sure felt good. She continued walking until the cold water kissed her feet. A shiver ran down her spine. Eyes closed, she captured this instant, knowing it would be long until that feeling came to her again.

“You joining us?”

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She lay down on her bed, arms spread, eyes closed. The idea seemed less appealing to her now. The idea of going out with him. So many dreams had she had about this. Wonderful ones of course, but now, she would have preferred if it only remained a dream. Earphones in her ears but she paid no attention to the music playing. It was just here to keep her from hearing the noise from outside.

She felt her cell phone’s vibration.

“1 missed call”

A second would soon follow if she didn’t show any signs of being alive. It was their secret language. One missed call and the other should call back.

She sighed. She didn’t want to. All she wanted right now was enjoy the peaceful moment she was having to herself. But she guessed she ‘should’ call him back now. It all turned out into an obligation now, rather than some wish or desire. Once upon a time, she had felt this urge to hear his voice constantly. She could practically not live without him, but now, all her feelings had turned icy cold.

“I’ll call you later. I’m busy right now.” She sent him this innocent little message but so many reasons and feelings hid behind it. Lies, were they her last option? She should end things up but she knew he would be devastated… or… would he? Keep reading…

Tags: Partly Fiction, Partly Non-Fiction

Her eyes filled with tears, yet again. These past hours, all she seemed to have been doing is crying. Time had maybe healed her but she had never forgotten her baby. The first time she moved, the first time she saw her on the doc’s screen, all came back to her and more tears too. Crying cleanses the soul, someone had told her. Amongst tears came a smile.

“Re…ally?”

She surprised herself when this came out of her mouth. Ever since her whole world crumbled before her, tears had been pouring. No words had come out ever since.

“Yeah, really. There was this boy friend, uhhh no, man friend, of the friend of the daughter of my great great great uncle, uhh, whatever… He told me this when I was kid. You see, I had been digging at the back of my garden to reach the other side of the world. I admit it… I was dumb…”

Michael always could make her laugh, in whatever situation she was. Was it what gave birth to her love for him? Was it his kind heart? Or was it those pure eyes that were looking at her right now?

“Al, I know this is not the time, neither the place but I have a feeling I have to tell you this.”

“Hmmm?”

“Erm… Nothing really, it can wait. I nearly forgot. Anata send something for you.”

He handed a purple envelope to her. Inside was the drawing of three persons; a man, a woman and a little girl. The three of them maybe. She smiled when she looked at the picture. It showed all the innocence a child should have, the same she had lost; the colours were too bright, the persons were not proportioned and ‘Dad’ was wearing a shirt with polka dots. But to her eyes, it was the most wonderful gift ever.

There was also a ‘get well soon’ card included in the envelope. She opened it and started reading.

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Breathing was so hard, she could almost feel her lungs ripping apart. But this pain was nothing compared to what she had felt at nearly all stages of her life; this feeling of not belonging, of loneliness…

She had never had any friends of her own. She had stopped going to school at 16; a ‘request’ from her mother. Even at school, she was rejected by everyone. No one would come near her. Being a black was considered to be a sin, and every eye that watched her glared at her with disdain.

But there was one pair of eyes that never looked at her like that. The same that had saved her. Where was she? She looked around her. The last thing she remembered was her falling and a pair of hazel eyes. She heard the door open in came the most beautiful creature she’s ever seen in her life.

A little girl. She mustn’t have been more than 6 or 7 years old. She had this curly blond hair and yes, those hazel eyes. They were somewhat different but she felt familiar with them. A new feeling was born from within. What was it?

“Dad asked me to come and check on you. Are you hungry?”

She nodded and it was the beginning of a new life. The long evenings she spent talking to her, her first smiles, her first laughs, her first friend… But she had never seen ‘Dad’ though. She heard about him, a lot. They were in almost in all the sentences the little girl made. She wondered if the new life growing in her would be like her. As warm, as kind.

Days passed and her life had taken a whole new turn. It was time for her to leave the bed and start all over again. But first of all, it was time to meet ‘Dad’.
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Tic, tac, tic, tac… The seconds were counting; time was coming for the Angel of Death to take her away from this material world. Even breathing was difficult right now; for each breath of air she took, an acute pain in the chest she felt.

A drop of tear could be seen running down up to her ear. Unable to move, she lay on her death bed, with sole occupation to go over her life, once again.

“Allirea! Where are you?! Come down here, immediately!”

“Coming mother, coming.”

And she was welcomed by a slap on her face.

“What are you doing here? And… what’s that in your hand?”

She was referring to the book the teenager was holding in her hand.

“A test? Why do you need to go to school? You already have a job and you should thank Mr Jacy for that. Ungrateful bitch! You’re just as worthless as your father.”

“Thank him? Or thank you for having slept with him?!”

And she was answered by yet another slap…

Her childhood had always been full of beatings and slaps and insults. So had been her teenage life. And Jacy… How she remembered him… Too well, to tell you the truth though, she hadn’t thought of him in months.

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She wanted everything to be perfect. She had already left Kiyoshi at her mother’s place. The latter had been more than happy to take care of the child. Why wouldn’t she? Barely three, her son was the sweetest child ever. What every mother thinks, you’d say? But yet, he was.

He always listened when he was talked to, and could give the most amazing answers, considering his age. He was her most precious gift… She casted away this thought quickly. Today, she’ll not be the mother she is, neither a daughter, nor a wife. Today, she is the woman she’d always been deep inside.

She looked around her. It almost seemed like a dream, but it was just her hard work glaring down at her. A table for two in the middle of the room, a solid white sheet on it, and another smaller one; blood red, placed diagonally. She almost laughed at the fact that they had chosen red tapestry for the house, and that played in her favour. A single red rose along with scented candles were placed in the middle. She had taken out her silverware out, and yes, the wine glasses… She had used them at her wedding… Keep reading…

She sat there, a pen in her hand but staring at that blank paper before her. She wanted to write, oh how she yearned to. Writing was said to be her gift, bestowed to her by the angels of above. Writing was her escape to another world, where only she ruled. But first of all, writing was her passion.

With that imagination of hers, every secret opened to her, every world welcomed her and every creature kneeled before her. She was the master, she was the creator and she was the savior. God you’d say? No, she wasn’t. Just a mere peasant making a life out of pen and paper.

But… yeah, a ‘but’ had to butt in… Calliope had deserted her. Her Muse in which she had so much faith, she was no more. When had she discovered this? Was it when she had at last managed to put all these problems behind and start over again? Was it when everything had just started going wrong? Or was it when she held that pen in her hand?

A tear rolled down her cheek. Jesus, how she had changed. Memories starting to flow, there was no way she could hold them back…

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