… in my case, old habits make it harder.

I’ve always abhorred disliked keeping in touch with people… for some reason, especially with those whom I can meet pretty easily. While most of my friends and cousins have come to accept that fact, most people find it strange and rather unwelcoming that I often disappear without any trace and then suddenly reappear as if nothing has happened. Just like these few weeks that have just passed… during which I was practically cut off from the whole world, no phone calls, no meetings, no chatting, no nothing. I can’t even remember the last time I logged on MSN to have a chat with my friends. It’s just that sometimes I seek the silence and stillness that life can offer me, to the detriment of other things that I actually enjoy doing…

Being an only child, I’ve been alone all my life, and over the years, I have come to like living that way, more than ever, after a period of great stress when I feel I simply have to get away and cool off my head. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I confined myself to the house, without talking to anyone. During this time, I’ve actually hit it off with my mother, which is quite an improvement, given how tense our relationship used to be when I was going to school. She was always putting pressure under me to work hard and bring good results, blah blah blah and I was irritated most of the times because I wanted to work at my own pace rather than doing what someone else wanted, which was what I did in the end, putting huge strain on this mother-daughter bond. We even went out lots of times, for shopping and or other stuff, just to have fun and spend my father’s money.

But still, this doesn’t change the fact that instead of seeking out others’ company, I actually find it satisfying alone, when I’m alone. Not that I can be called an anti-social or anything (okay, maybe I can be called that, given how stagnant my social life has been during these past two years), but I really like making friends and going out with them. I totally love the times we go out and have fun together, or even when we squat someone’s place and do all kinds of stuff. But sometimes I find myself drawn to the kind of life I use to have when I was little…

As a child, I was really quiet. Even as a baby, my mom says; it seems I never cried, not even when I was hungry. Of course, this can seem a little unbelievable, given what a loud chatterbox I am. I can go talking non-stop for hours and still have things to say. Nevertheless, I find my circle of friends, getting smaller and smaller, because of that bad habit of mine, and the worse is that, it doesn’t even bother me…

As I said, it makes it harder… for people close to me.