I woke up to the feeling that everything was moving beneath me. My first thoughts were of panic and horror as I went through the worst possible scenarios as to why my home was shaking as it was. An earthquake was out of question, though back in a corner on my mind, my little brain was working hard to try and remember my earthquake survival lessons my father gave me when I was little. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head, telling myself that this was just a nightmare, but even that seemed impossible; seconds ago, I had been dreaming of that beautiful girl again, the one I saw long ago in my old home and from who I was cruelly separated by those heartless humans who are now supposed to be my masters.

As I lamented silently in my corner, I felt three pairs of eyes on me, watching my every movement. I smelled the sweet scent of my unexpected visitors, and suddenly, life wasn’t so bad after all; females were all around me AND at the same time, interested in me. I rarely had female company and the change was welcome. Of course, there is my ‘master’, but I doubt I’ll ever be able to see her in any other way than that of the person because of whom I was separated from loved ones. Anyway, the two other faces were new to me and they didn’t really seem that mean.
But little did I know of the whimsical nature of the fair sex for my experience was only limited to my sisters and their friends who had never been that interested in me. Some experience wouldn’t hurt, I thought to myself as I tried to remember the tips my older brothers gave me.

Rule No. 1: Make as if you’re not interested.

Which was exactly what I did. I wasn’t sure that this would work out for I simply couldn’t imagine how ignoring someone could make him or her attracted to you. And of course, as I thought, it didn’t work for as soon as I hid my head in the wood shavings on the floor. They left me alone again for some filthy human food… Well, it did mean I could go back to sleep, which I did eventually.

And back I went to dreaming of that beautiful girl… But this bliss would not last long. Again I felt the earth shaking. What was it now? Another earthquake? I sleepily opened my eyes to see the three girls back again. They were chatting amongst themselves, laughing, while ogling me with renewed interest. I can’t say this admiration didn’t flatter me, but I was still a bit shy about it!

Rule No.2: Show them your good side.

Which I promptly applied myself to. I scurried around in my cage, digging around and sniffing the air, for the two new girls’ sweet perfume. I climbed around, delighted to hear their “Ohhs” and “Ahhs”, and their excited comments, the words of which I alas could not understand. I was proud of myself and wanted to show off more. So I decided to climb up my yellow wheel. I usually hated that, but, I had to if I wanted to bask longer in the limelight!
But my usual laziness had gotten me rusty. I couldn’t handle being inside the wheel, so I climbed up, on the wheel, as I was used to… Alas, I couldn’t keep my balance for long, and I fell from the yellow thing countless times, each rewarded by peals of laughter from the ladies. I was so humiliated, but I didn’t give up. I was determined to impress the girls, and so decided to try the “one hand gym” on the wheel with one paw holding the bars of the cage and the other turning the wheel, which of course which somehow really made the girls amazingly happy. I tried to stay on for as long as I could, but I soon was out of breath and so very tired… Damn laziness, I cursed myself.
And no need to say that after wasting so much energy in trying to impress the girls, I was hungry, which didn’t go unnoticed by my ‘master’. She showed her friends how I could elegantly take sunflower seeds from people, and each of them took turns to give me one, which I immediately hid in my mouth. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, they must have heard that for after sunflower seeds came the delicious biscuits. However, I am not too proud for what came after…

I have this really bad habit of keeping everything in my mouth until nobody is watching and I can finally eat in peace. My mouth had already grown huge from the biscuits and seeds, and I didn’t want to take them out in front of the girls. That wasn’t really graceful, I knew that. But some minutes after, when I realised they were not ready to give me some privacy my belly was looking for, I gave up. Trying to hide what I was doing, I took the food out and hid it in the wood shavings, praying that they would go away now. The total opposite happened… My actions somehow intrigued them and now, they were watching even closer.

“Ah, and to hell with them!”

I looked for my biscuits in the mess I had foolishly created myself, still trying to hide when I heard the shutter sound of a camera. I simply couldn’t believe that they dared to take pictures of me without permission. My master had allowed it of course but I was in no way eager to pose for a bunch of girls. I had my dignity. It seemed that they had been taking pictures since the very beginning and I hadn’t even realised it. I had been too engrossed in trying to impress them. I tried to go far away from them, so that they wouldn’t be able to take the pictures, but that seemed futile. As soon as I went to the other side, they would turn my cage in the other way, so that I was facing them again. I wonder how many times we went through this, until I got tired of them and decided to have a nap.

By then, my master had already left me alone; she was already aware of my simple routine of eating and then sleeping which I faked every now and then when she showed some interest in me. However, it seemed that this feint wasn’t going to work on the newcomers. They did their very best to get me moving again, and it worked. I tried really hard not to let them have the upper hand but I gave up, they were too strong. But the worse was yet to come for the real torture hadn’t even begun yet.

Gone were the thoughts of trying to impress them as I switched to Survival Mode 101. I told myself I had to get through this and I barely made it alive. I remember running around everywhere, climbing up and down the ladder, jumping from my little house and having my little bowl kidnapped. I thought of escaping a few times but that was even worse. Everyday I try to gnaw my way out of the cage hoping that my sharp teeth would be enough to cut through them, and I wonder what made me think that it was going to work this time. I was desperate. I had to get away from the physical and mental torture these human girls were giving me and anything was welcome. I was too fat to be able to pass through the iron bars, too short to jump and too slow to climb when they opened the trap. In brief, their huge sizes made sure they had the upper hand.

They tried to ask for forgiveness with some biscuits, which tasted differently from what I usually was used to. It was really sweet and it melted in my mouth. No need to say that I waited for more, sniffing around to make them understand. I should really stop that for it simply brought more torture again as they put one biscuit near the cage and took it away when I reached for it. They even had the guts to rub some of it on my cage to have stupid me gnaw it again. Really, how I wished these walls didn’t separated us and I couldn’t show them who I really was.
I only had only one option left; I had no choice but to use the old spell my father taught me to get rid of evil beings. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it for never before had I been in a situation where I had to use it. I said the spell over and over again, hoping for some miracle to happen… I couldn’t believe it when the laughter died and it was all silent again. It worked, the spell had worked. It hadn’t been as powerful as it should have been but it stopped their evil mind from taking over my little space. They had quietly put be back on the table and left the room without looking back….

I did hear their voices again when they were leaving or was it just a dream? I do not know. I remembered the voice of my master forbidding them to approach me before I fell into deep slumber…

~Piyoule, The Mutant Hamster

Tags: Animal, Fun, Hamster, Play