A woman is said to be born three times: the first being her real birth, the second is when she gets married and the third when she gives birth herself. Each time, she is given a new life, in which her role changes and to which she has to adapt. Most would agree that the best ‘life’ ever would be the time between her birth and her wedding. She is pampered, mostly by her parents, taken care of very carefully, for she is the flower that they have to look after until she blooms into a beautiful bride.

This particular moment brings out the most contradictory feelings, for a daughter’s wedding is the time when happiness hand in hand with sorrow sees the bride off to her new home. Which is why weddings are usually celebrated with lots of celebrations because it usually means a new stage of life for the couple, and here in Mauritius, it’s certainly no different. Being quite influenced by both the western and eastern culture, our weddings tend to have a touch of both.

In my family, we have tried to keep most of the rituals, if not all, that one has to go through when getting married, especially for the bride. From what I have experienced, the parents and the relatives all manage to turn the already-not-so-simple wedding into a long one, but one which prepares the bride both mentally… and physically.

Mehndi Ceremony

Mehndi literally means henna and it the day when the bride along with her female relatives and friends get their hands adorned by henna. This is supposed to be an event in itself, for the redness of the henna represents the prosperity that the bride would bring to her new home.

“It is also believed that its aroma cancels the powerful pungent smells of onions and other condiments such as turmeric, garlic and ginger. And hence, when the bride prepares herself to assume her domestic responsibilities, she is not only beautifully bedecked and bejewelled, but also armed for the new chores awaiting her in her new life” – http://www.hinduism.co.za

It is quite difficult to gather all the girls of the family and find enough people to apply the henna, or even impossible. This could take all day and it tends to be not so practical, which is why the Mehndi ceremony has turned into something where the bride shows off the redness of her henna. However to keep this tradition of application of the henna, each married woman applies a touch of henna to the bride’s hand.This is usually carried out Saturday night, when everyone’s free, but it is mostly attended by women. The guys are usually turned into waiters who serve drinks and food to the guests.

Relatives of the groom’s side also attend the ceremony. They usually come at a given time, to bring the clothes and accessories fir the bride for the actual wedding. They also bring lots of sweets and fruits which are considered to be gifts for the bride’s family, an outfit for the bride’s and her mother to wear during the Mehndi ceremony. The first rule of a wedding is that no one should come or leave empty-handed. Therefore, the groom’s relatives are also given gifts (sweets and fruits again), a shirt and accessories for the groom, and an outfit for the groom’s mother.

After this ceremony is over, i.e. after the groom’s relatives have left and everyone can relax again, there usually is singing and dancing. It’s an event which should be celebrated with lots of joy and happiness, so music is definitely a must. However, after this, the bride is forbidden to step out of her home until the time for the wedding arrives.

Walima

Sunday morning at last. There’s lots of preparations to take care of, especially the food for the lunchtime, which is actually the walima. In a Muslim marriage, the most important things are the religious ceremony and the food given out to relatives and friends. These two are compulsory where as the others are just traditions and rituals handed from generations to generations.

On this occasion, lots of people are invited, usually more that 1000. The food served is the biryani, a rice-based meal. The usual ingredients are spices (cardamom, cinnamon, garlic, cloves, etc), ghee, curdled milk, potatoes and the most important, beef. Since there are some people who do not eat beef, or are vegetarians, vegetarian biryani is cooked, on a very small scale. Served with the biryani are pickles (mango, apple, olive and other local fruits which are mixed with oil, salt, chillies and god knows what) and cucumber/carrot salad, which I don’t usually like.

Haldi Ceremony

While most people are occupied with preparation of the food, close female relatives are invited for the Haldi ceremony. Haldi literally means turmeric, and it is the vent in which turmeric is applied on the girls body. The reason this ceremony is held is for the beautification and purification of the bride. Tumeric has lots of cleansing properties, so basically, it’s a personal spa-session for the bride.

During this ceremony, another ritual is carried out, called the kunwar pat. While the application of turmeric is to beautify the appearance, the kunwar pat is more of a psychological preparation. This ritual signifies the end of maidenhood for the bride. For this ritual, kheer, a rice pudding cooked in milk and sugar has to be prepared by a married woman. This has to be eaten by the bride, along with single women in the family (The number of girls accompanying the bride has to be an odd number), who represent the untouched maidenhood of the bride.

What the hell are we doing here?

The kheer is served on banana leaf, and the person who serves it has to take each banana leaf with the kheer on it and rotate it over the girl’s head 7 times. She then asks the bride “Kunwar pat uttarna?” to which the bride should reply “Han”, yes. She is actually asking the bride if her maidenhood is now gone.

Then, all the married women present each have to give their blessings to the bride. A plate is filled with rice and a golden bangle is placed on it. The golden bangle, according to my father, is the sign of a married woman. The plate is kept on the bride’s knees for practical reasons. Each woman takes a coin and rotates it over the bride’s head 7 times. This is then kept in the plate full of rice. Then, taking some rice grains in her hands, she touches it with the bride’s feet, knees, shoulders and head, before throwing in the aanchal, the veil over the hands of the mother. A widow is not allowed to take part in the kunwar pat, for it is believed she will cast her destiny onto the bride.

Do I put it here?

Then comes the fun part. The bride, along with the single women starts eating the kheer. The kheer eating is a version of the tossing away of the bouquet. It’s a race, in which the winner is said to be the next girl to get married.

The Haldi is actually an ancient ritual and is no longer practiced by most people. Usually, the rice throwing is incorporated in the Mehndi ceremony or not carried out at all.

Nikah

The religious ceremony carried out for the wedding is called the Nikah, which is a contract binding the bride and the groom. It is traditionally carried out by the bride’s family. When the bride has already put on her white gown, her father along with two witnesses go to her. She is asked whether she wants to marry the groom. The girl has complete freedom to answer. She has to be willing to take part in the marriage, else everything is cancelled. She has to say it three times that she agrees to take this person as her husband.

Also, the amount of the Mohr, the dower, is decided. This is compulsory, and has to be agreed by both the groom ‘s and the bride’s side. The bride has the right to ask for money or any valuable object, for example, jewellery. However, there are limits to be considered, for example, the financial situation of the groom. This money is for the sole use of the bride and she can do whatever she wants with it.

Afterwards, all the men of the bride’s and groom’s family gather in the mosque, where the Nikah will take place. Women do not go to the mosque; the bride is represented by her father.The bridegroom is asked three times if he wants to take this woman as his bride. Then, the father of the bride will answer in place of his daughter to the same question, and the witnesses will act as… well, witnesses. However, for the Nikah to be valid, both the girl’s and boy’s family has to consent to this wedding.

Afterwards, the Qazi or Imam, the priest, will deliver his Khutba, a sermon, in which he recites Qu’ran verses stating the obligations towards the woman. The Qazi will explain the rights and obligations of the husband and wife, and will declare them as husband and wife. The bridegroom also has to drink half of a glass of water with sugar.

Wedding Reception

A stage is usually set up, where the bride and her bridesmaid sit, waiting for the Nikah to be over and for the groom to come. All family and relatives usually attend this reception. Everyone is given aniseed mixed with small sweets or praline. It is considered to be auspicious to sweetened one’s mouth, which is why sweets are used on a very large scale on weddings.

When the Nikah is over, a close male relative (usually the brother or cousin) brings the glass of sweetened water and make the bride drink. This may be considered as an indirect kiss, finalizing the Nikah. The bride has to drink all of it.

There one ritual that I just learned about and that’s the application of sandalwood paste on the girl’s head. The sandal wood is crushed and mixed with attar, a perfume. A white opaque veil is lifted before the couple, then the groom applies the paste on the girl’s head. Nobody is allowed to see this, which is why it has to be hidden. It is originally an Indian custom and is a version of the Hindu’s ritual of applying sindoor to a girl’s head.

Then comes the cake cutting, the cake eating, the family photos, etc.

When it’s time to leave, the bride takes with her lots of cakes, halwa and a set of wine glasses filled with sugar. Sweetness is considered to be lucky after all.

Hmmm, yummy cakes!

Chauthari or Chauthi

Techinically, this means fourth, meaning, four days after the wedding. Again, due to impractical reasons, the Chauthari is held one day after the wedding. This is the first time the girl’s family is receiving the couple as a married one and it has to be perfect.

Some relative of the groom’s family accompany the couple on this day. They are served with cocktails, the main course and dessert. The food served is kheer and dholl puri, rice and curry, accompanied with salad and/or pickles.

Do you think we’ll get one?

Then the guest are left to themselves while the married couple go to talk to everyone, etc. There usually is a lot of fun during the Chauthari with lots of games and all. In my family, we usually play with baby powder, and in the end, everyone turns white.

However, the atmosphere turns quite gloomy when the time arrives for the couple to leave. They greet each and everyone of the girl’s family and no need to say that there are some tears that come to the eyes. The Rukhsati, the time to say goodbye sure is the saddest part of a wedding, when it’s time to say goodbye to the bride.

My brother-in-law bathed in coconut water, baby powder and egg, gifted with coconuts because he won the musical chairs

Coincha

No there’s not yet another ceremony. This is actually a ritual carried out during the wedding. Sunday morning, before the Haldi, the bride’s mother take a white handkerchief and fills it with rice. Then, she goes to each and everyone of the family and asks them for money. This money supposedly acts as a protection for the girl, and she has to carry it with her all the time throughout the wedding. It also acts as a blessing from all the family members.
On Sunday, when she reaches her husbands house, the bride gives this to her mother-in-law who takes most of the money and adds aniseed to the rice. She keeps the money so that when the next day, when she goes to her mother’s, she doesn’t take all the blessings with her.

The next day, when the bride goes for the Chauthari, she gives her mother the Coincha. Her mother, takes out some of the rice and aniseed, to prevent her daughter to take all the prosperity from her home and adds more money, which the bride takes to her new home and which she keeps for herself.

This marks the end of a Mauritian Muslim Wedding, which I believe in itself is a beauty.

Tags: bride, Mauritius, muslim, rituals, traditions, weddings